Everyone deserves a bag of chips now and then. When my husband and I say that sentence to one another, we both nod and remember the first time we agreed it was true.
During our first year of marriage, he was still in graduate school, I was teaching preschool and we could barely afford our two-room apartment where the shower was right next to the refrigerator. Each month, after rent, we had less than 200 bucks to cover everything else: gas for the car, a phone bill and food. We purchased groceries so carefully that having ground beef in our spaghetti sauce was a luxury. One Saturday night, he came home with a big bag of potato chips and some dip. It was a splurge, but we agreed that we deserved to treat ourselves. That night over 30 years ago we had not a clue the challenges that would come our way.
A lot has happened since that bag of chips. Together, we’ve shared many wonderful things, but we’ve weathered some storms, too: serious illness, financial struggles, loss of loved ones—all things that many face. Thankfully for our waistlines, we haven’t always turned to potato chips for comfort, but we still recognize the power of doing small things for ourselves that bring comfort in trying times.
When our son’s struggles with mental illness emerged about 12 years ago, we approached it with a short-term, “we’ll get through it” mentality born out of a light at the end of the tunnel that we were sure was there. As the gravity of his diagnosis settled on us, and we started to truly understand all that is required to support this courageous young man in the manner he deserves, it became clear that our self-care approach needed refining.
Caregiving is hard work. It can be lonely, draining, tiring and frustrating. It’s also rewarding because we adore our son. But there is no exit ramp from this. We are his family. We’re on this journey, and together, we’ve determined to do what we can to make the whole thing just a little bit better for everyone. What does this look like? It means getting professional help for ourselves when we need it. It means we try to be as nice to ourselves as we would anyone else.
I still like a good potato chip. My husband opts for ice cream. We don’t feel guilty for reading good books, binge-watching Netflix, treating ourselves to phone calls with good friends, taking walks, exercising, or asking for a few hours to ourselves. When it’s possible, we take chances to get away for a few days alone. Naps are allowed. I take care of my skin and my body because it makes me feel better on the inside, too. And I encourage others to savor the little things that can make life more fun, on good days and bad days: buy the lipstick, take the bubble bath, get the pedicure, make the cake, take the girl trip, wear the boots, savor the creamer in your coffee, burn the candle, and when I feel like it, eat… the… chips!
I am not convinced that I would be as evolved in my self-care journey if it were not for our amazing son, whose grace through the life he’s been given inspires me. But I know that by being good to myself, I’m actually giving him and everyone else in my life a more relaxed, happier, centered, confident and loving version of me.
They’re worth it. And so am I.
